Official

I got divorced today.
Weird right? My neighbor asked me what I was all dressed up for today, well because normally cut off shorts and a tee shirt is my daily attire so seeing me in slacks and heels was some sort of shock. But to respond, "well actually I went and got a divorce today" was a very surreal statement. I woke up this morning a legally married woman and as I fall asleep I'm just a single mom.
Its a flood of extremely strange emotions. I went from loving him, to spending the last 3 months being angry with him, and now I guess I'm supposed to feel completely apathetic towards him. Those are hard emotions to turn off and on, it is very surreal.

I think I am more scared to heal emotionally than I was to be physically alone. The logistics of my day to day life, or the practical reality as my attorney calls it, were easy for me to navigate the changes. Those make sense to me, I know what needs to be done. A place for us to live? Check. Beds for us to sleep in? Check. New daycare? Check. That list is easy to distract myself with. But now it feels like we are settled enough in our home to where we really enjoy being here. The divorce is final. All the pending transitions into this new stage of my life are done. But I guess, I wonder "now what?"
I suppose when you break it down, I will still get up tomorrow morning and have breakfast with the girls. They will be their smiling at me, so excited to see me. I will go to work, drink a diet coke and fall asleep exhausted. We will take it one day at a time. I feel like I got divorced the right way, the way that protects me and the girls from anything in the future. Now I want to make sure I heal my heart the right way as well, and the key to that will be time and shoe shopping.

Love Love

Compromise

Sometimes in the mess of a dirty battle field you don't realize that the dirt is really a heaping pile of crap until you leave it all behind. Looking back at the last few months I'm realizing all the crap that was piled up. But we have a new clean life and we can only learn lessons from the mess. Maybe the most important lesson I will learn is to not compromise everything in the future.

Some things in life that are never worth compromising again:

Family. Yes, your children and husband are your family, but they aren't everything. Keep the people that know you the best and love you the most holding your hand.

Sunday afternoon naps. Sundays are meant for naps. Not another day to do a million things.

Baking real brownies, like not from a box. Just because they are easier does not make them better.

Color. I like color, I think its bright and fun. Bright yellow shoes, a pink desk and purple picnic tables are to be enjoyed.

J Crew. My closet can be completely from J Crew if I want it to be. If I wanted to shop someplace else I would.

Country Music. It's glad to be back listening to country tunes, especially on repeat for hours if my heart so desires.

Movies. A mindlessly entertaining movie is what you need sometimes.

Pool time. Pools are meant to be lounged around and floated on during any summer afternoon. For hours. Not twenty minutes.

Apple Products. My love affair for apple products will no longer be hidden in the closet. I am a geek, and I am proud of it.

Dance Parties. A really great Fleetwood song on the radio sometimes leads to a dance party. Nothing to be ashamed of...

Lotion. I love lotion. loooove it. I love smearing it all over and over and over again.

Lip Gloss. Coco Chanel once said that every woman looks better with mascara and lip gloss. I couldn't agree more, I love Lip Gloss.

No Hiking. I will not hike Baldy if I don't want to.

Pie. If I have an itch to bake an enormous amount of pie, I will with a big smile on my face.

Love Love