My creative outlet for the last month or so hasn't really been this computer, scratch that, hasn't been this blog. It's clearly evident. I've come to realize I only have so much creativity, and if I expel it elsewhere, I can't or don't write here. But I find myself reading with my children. Making sugar cookies and smothering them in a serious amount of frosting and sprinkles. I make a new hat or scarf with knitting needles or I sit on the floor and color pages of disney princesses. It wasn't an official declaration or a required change of pace, it just happened. I don't write Henry a monthly letter because I find myself living his monthly letters. Not to say I didn't with the other girls, or writing a monthly letter is bad, I just haven't. I wish I had, to remember every little detail. But I am enjoying him instead of thinking about how I can write about him. does that make sense?
Plus I think I need new glasses, I'm having a hard time seeing my computer screen.
And well I'm easily distracted by a dance party to Safe and Sound. It's hard to concentrate on anything else when this song is being demanded and then sung at an extremely high volume.
And then there was this one time that our friend Jed made this video and showed it to 50K people at the Global Citizens Festival. He forgot to mention that Stella was in it, she's around the 20 second mark...
Oh and Gus, he has got the zombie down...
I sort of just can't get over how perfect everything feels...
Miss June and I went skiing last week! For the first time together!!! A sunny day, fresh corduroy, a deer valley cookie and all those Tolbert's making for the best ski day around. Seriously, I was beaming like that obnoxious mom squealing down the mountain with her. We were there celebrating Finley's birthday and everything was right with the world. Kevin was playing at home with Ruby and Gus. I know right? He's pretty awesome and I'm pretty freaking spoiled.
But seriously, I went skiing with my girl. There I was, one arm underneath her arm pit lifting her up on the chair lift, talking about all the great things in life. Because all great conversations happen on a chair lift. Singing songs and giggling down the mountain. It was a beautiful day, to be there watching Grandma Deb ski with her grand daughters, to have Grandpa Trace teaching them all about a rockets blasting off as the lift heads up the mountain and making big turns. Watching her flap her wings and zoom like an airplane. Not a single thing wrong with any of that.
--grandma is better with June than I ever was with Kevin. This would be where I left him to fend for himself. oops--
--maybe my favorite picture to date, maybe.--
--these girls will be serious rippers when you get back Hunter... --
//happy birthday finley!//
I have found myself watching the video's I took with my phone over and over again beaming I tell ya! So please indulge me in a mom video, what? it's my blog...
I can't wait for the many more ski days to come with my little rippers! eek! It makes me all giggly!
love love
And so begins the recap and countdown of all the great things that happened this year. Ya know like those letters that went out in Christmas cards. I didn't write one of those. My mother does and one cannot ever top hers. This year she compared me to a salad and Kevin to a soup. And it worked. She amazes me.
Our year was a great year, a different year, a growing year, a baby year. I look back from this year to last and amazed at all the ways we grew. Ruby talks. Stella loves more. My belly grew and so did Kevin's heart. I once used to say that his heart was dead inside for his inability to cry. I partially poke fun at it but also worry that one day it will crumble. But alas, two little girls curling up into his lap and cheering is name, along with his newborn son joining the world has softened it right up. Strange how small children turn grown men into bubbling idiots.
Someone asked my mother if I was as happy as social media makes us out to be, and the truth to that is Yes. We really are so happy. Our life isn't nearly as pretty as the pictures I take; it is chaotic, noisy, and Ruby wears her pajamas most of the day. But we are enjoying every moment we get. Truly enjoying them all. I have no idea what this next year will bring, hopefully more dance parties and Chinese food. Whatever it is I am really excited about it, really excited to spend my days with these little people that are exactly what I deserve and that tall friend of mine. Cheers to 2013!
Maybe it's because I just had a baby and I'm feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. Or because it's November and we tend to make note of all of our blessings. But after watching this video, I am so grateful to be a Mormon. This is what it's all about people.
When Kevin and I were first dating he started giving his change to Stella to put in a secret spot every night. If June wasn't there or awake when Kevin was, he always made sure to leave it on her dresser so she could put it in there secret spot. After they filled up a bud vase Kevin arrived home with a cupcake penny bank to fill. Stella started collecting monies out of my purse and Kevin's car.
While we were out shopping for Kevin's new bicycle Stella was certain she had to have one too, with pedals. There was a tantrum in the store and she left crying. Kevin told her that if she saved her cupcake money she could help buy a new bicycle. This lead to her raiding even more of my diet coke money. Once all the change had been found Stella and Kevin counted it and then went to the bicycle store. She picked out a pretty purple one and promptly named it sparkles.
We spent the rest of the afternoon learning how to ride it. She figured out how to balance it pretty quick, but struggled to figure out how to pedal. She has never pedaled anything before so it was tough to grasp. Now that she knows how she just needs to feel more comfortable on it. So we will keep practicing until she does!
I'm not sure why I started creating videos for birthdays, I think its great to watch and all. But I might have set myself up to fail. I mean that is a lot of birthday videos I will be making over the years. I guess all I can do is start out on the right path...
So Miss Ruby Red Dress, for your very first birthday, here it debuts Year 1 in video format.
As I sit here and think about what a whirlwind 2010 has been I can't help but smile. I hope it remains in the top spot for most life changing year. Not because I loved it so much, but because I don't think I can handle anything crazier than the last 356 days. Even though every aspect of my life changed, there was so much good that happened. So many happy memories engulf my mind when I think back. I was surrounded by only happy, loving and beyond supportive people all year; from my girls, to my family, to my friends, to my tall friend. I experienced falling in love with a baby all over again, and learned how to let go of the hurt. I learned to lean on my family, and that breaking down is just fine, as long as what you build back up is better than before. I learned that I am way more technical than even I had realized and that I really don't wish my life was any different than it is right now. Trevor and I started and ended in a hurricane and somewhere in the eye of the storm two of the most terrific things happened. I would never ever change any of it. There is life after heartbreak and it tastes much sweeter than before.
As we say goodbye to 2010, I don't even have the desire to flip it the bird. I learned what I could handle and with the right people on my side you can endure anything. I'm not saying this year in any way was a breeze or even a rose garden. But what fun would it be to look back and only remember the heartbreak, the fighting and the sleepless nights. They were all there, and they were necessary to get to the other side. Now that we are here on the greener side and there is no need to dwell on any of it. We are here, we are peaceful, we are thriving, and we are so happy.
So just like years past, here is our 2010, and cheers to 2011!
I stumbled upon this today via dooce, and well lets just say I immediately put on Kenny Loggins and tried to teach Stella some moves that I don't really have, and then just put on one of my top ten favorites. Dirty Dancing. I mean really who doesn't love watching Patrick Swayze get baby out of a corner?
This is totally worth the 5 minutes, and will probably spark some desire to dance the night away.
Love Love
Tonight I was laying Stella down for bed and she started in on one of her several excuses for why I can't leave, and why she can't fall asleep just yet. I usually listen to her for about 6 seconds before I close the door. After I had walked out, she was still yelping about something or other. So I went on with picking up the toys and folding the last load of laundry. About 10 minutes later she was still whining about something, and I wondered if she needed to go potty. I went in to her room, where I was rushed by sweet Stella who was crying sadly about the fact that she did not get to dance to her song for a few minutes. We struck a deal and she could dance for a few minutes then she would have to head straight to bed. She was giddy, and so excited to dance to the music I had on random. That might have been the best excuses not to go to bed, "Mom, I need to dance for a few minutes." Never a dull moment around here.
How is it that pregnancy causes time to stand still but a newborn sends it into overdrive? I can't believe Ruby is a week old! Baby number two makes you realize how easy you had it with baby number one. A newborn is easy! They sleep, they eat, they poop. You don't sleep much , but there is Diet Coke to help that. Stella has been my challenge this week. She is very much so in love with her baby sister, just not me. She is very mad at me. We are having irrational tantrums multiple times a day. She ignores me. Which leads to me counting to 3 to get her to do anything, or stop doing whatever she is doing. For instances, Trevor had gone to work and Stella was downstairs watching her morning Sesame Street while Ruby and I were trying to wake up. Stella came in and found a bottle of body wash in Ruby's diaper basket. She proceeded to open it and dump it all over her hands. When I grabbed it from her and told her to stop, she yelled NO at me and then went into hysterics so painful to my chest it brought tears to my eyes. I flicked Stella's arm, yes I flicked her, and sent her to her room I heard her walking down the hall. I didn't really care because the farther away the cry was coming from the less painful it was. Then I heard the back door open and slam shut. I then scrambled around looking for my slippers because she of course has taken off down the street. I get to the back door and there she sits on the back step with the biggest alligator tears, "I wanna go find daddy, but I don't have any shoes on." I picked her up and snuggled her in the rocking chair until her feet were warm again. The whole time I rocked her, all I could think was I am getting exactly what I deserve. When Ruby is awake, it sends Stella into overdrive. She doesn't stop running around or screeching. Stella isn't normally like that at home, in her element with just me. I guess Ruby has destroyed her element and she is trying to put it back together. This morning she came into bed with us around 6am, way to early for her to be awake. When she didn't bring the right blanket with her a massive hysterics ensued. While Trevor was trying to talk her out of it, telling her to share his, or that she already had one, or to drink her milk. I got exhausted with the negotiations, because she was SCREAMING. AT 6AM. I picked her up out of our bed and sent her to go find THE RIGHT BLANKET. The girl has 400 blankets, and not one of them is any more loved than the other. Hence the reason I had to purchase all new blankets for Ruby, knowing Stella wasn't going to give up any of hers. So Stella went downstairs crying the whole way, and I followed her wondering where this special blanket was hidden. When she got to the bottom of the stairs and stared around, "The blankie isn't here Mommy." NO KIDDING. (I don't do really well at 6am...) I went into the laundry room and found a blanket I had washed and miraculously it was the right blanket. Tantrum solved. Of course, Ruby was now awake with all the commotion and nobody was going back to bed anytime soon. I am hoping that in the next weeks Stella normalizes and decides to like me again. She still really loves Trevor and does what he asks her, and when she isn't fighting at me she is loving Ruby. She wants to hold her, kiss her, and feed her; she lets me do the burping though. When she wakes in the morning at a normal time, she asks for Ruby first thing. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will stabilize with Stella, regain my patience for a two year old and we will be friends again.
It's a good thing Stella has moments like these to make me realize she will settle back into routine...
Last night after dinner we had a little dance party. Please note that Stella changed her clothes while taking a nap, and yes she is wearing lady bug slippers. But she really loves to dance.
Stella is a chatter box. I have been trying for a long time to get one of our many conversations on video, but she is much more excited about looking what is being recorded instead of talking. This is just raw footage from dinner the other night.
Here is a little video to capture it...