Month 48

Miss Ruby Red Dress,
You turned four years old last week and I've been wandering my mind as to how that happened. How did you get to be 4?! In the last few months you have grown up so much. The way you talk, the way you play; everything about you is older. You are everyone's biggest fan and nothing but excitable about everything. Your facial expressions tell a thousand words and the bounce in your steps make nothing but music around here.

You adore your baby brother as much as anyone possibly can. You wait for him outside his bedroom, counting down the minutes until you can wake him and play with him. Most day's you don't want to go to school because you would be just to sad to leave him alone. It's a good thing he loves you too.

You still wander around with your sparkly purse and have it full of 3 chapstiks at any given moment. You can't sleep without your circle blanket, and you're wearing a hole in it by the minute. You love to play dress ups and then drive your Lightning Mcqueen car around the kitchen. You can't stand to have your hands dirty and rush towards the "hanitzer" anywhere you can find it. But seriously, you can't eat donut holes without a fork. Other than glazed donut holes you don't want to eat "sugary" things, really at all. You like the idea of going to get ice cream, like it's a social outing. But when you get your ice cream cone you just hold it until it melts on your hand and then promptly hand it over to Dad. When you blew out your candles on your birthday cupcakes you never even tasted them.

Miss Ruby, you have always been exactly what I've needed in this life. Your sister is there to make me a better parent, to challenge and make me grow. Your brother is there for your dad, to be his best buddy. But you, you're here for me. You make my day's happier, my mornings brighter and even when you are ridiculous and out of control, I still can't stop smiling at you. You are hilarious in the way you talk and the things you pick up on. While I was helping you get dressed a couple weeks ago, you asked me if Grandpa Trace could be your best friend, because every little girl needs a best friend, and logically he was the best choice. Clearly. 

As sad as I am to see you slip out of being my baby, my toddler, I'm so excited to see what you will grow into. With your enthusiasm, your imagination and sparkle, you could do anything. And as your mom, it's really exciting to watch. You are so loved baby girl.

love love 

mama

Month 72

I finally took my SD card out of my camera and started looking at the last few weeks worth of photos. I stumbled upon this one of our birthday girl, and it does nothing but bring complete joy to my heart. These last few weeks have been what feels like  a roller coaster ride combined with a game of dodge ball. To say it's been exhausting is an understatement. But this moment when I snapped this photo, my little girl was turning 6 years old. Unwrapping presents and deciding on a breakfast, dancing around to the birthday song.

She is everything good in this world wrapped up in the most beautiful package. She is kind and loving in a way that is purely innate. She is emotional and delightful and exhausting in all the same motions. I love nothing more in this world than being her mother. I'm supposed to teach her how to be the best person she can be, when really she is teaching me that. And she always has been.
I love you Stella June.
Happy Birthday!

love love
mom

Month 12

To my little boy,

Oh Gus, you are the happiest baby boy around. You walk in a frenzy for fear that Stella or Ruby is going to take what you want or they are just going to smother you. Which are both very legitimate fears. Your hair is out of control and completely translucent and I secretly love it. Some days I feel like you are the exact replica of your father and then I see this look that is completely Stella, so really me. You flap your wings in excitement when you say goodbye or hi. You give the most fantastic kisses around. The kind that only a mother enjoys. You want to fill your belly with nothing but goldfish crackers and milk. But really, not much else. Maybe now that you have more teeth than just one fang tooth on top you will broaden your tastes. 

When you aren't running around, you are throwing things. Wait, you usually just throw things while you are running. You throw everything. Running from one object to an another just chucking it towards the ground to hear it smash.  And then when you have successfully heard it smash you screech in excitement about it. Then running fast away. It is an intense cycle, one that leaves my hears aching and my house a mess.  But then you smile at me with those blue eyes, with a sparkle that  knows something I don't, and I melt on the floor. 

Even though you have my heart, dearest Henry, you are nothing close to a mama's boy. You enjoy me, and run to me, full of smiles. But only in your father's absence. When he is home, you want only him. You will snuggle him, fall asleep on his shoulder, you climb to him, you yell for him. Some days it makes me jealous, but mostly it warms my soul. To watch your dad melt into your arms, and you into his, it's what makes the world go round. You belong with each other. 

Today you are one years old. Just one. And yet it feels like you've been here forever. You transitioned into our family effortlessly. You made us whole and better. You linked us all together and we couldn't be more grateful. I sneak into your room some nights as you are falling fast asleep and try to remember a time without you in it, and I can't. It feels like you have always been here. Watching you grow and change, witnessing your personality develop; constantly wondering what you will be, it's the greatest joy to be your mom. Thank you sweet boy for making our lives so much better. You are so loved.

Happy Birthday!

love love

mama

Four Months

Oh Henry,

I debated a hundred times if I should write you monthly letters and I guess since this is the first one I've written it's pretty obvious that I chose to still debate it instead of actually write them. But here you are four months later and I hope you won't mind. Henry you are the sweetest baby I've ever had. The girls were sweet, but different. You are calm, you are happy, you are content. You smile at everyone, all the time. Your cheeks are growing and your legs are constantly moving. You are a jumper, a stander. Sitting isn't your thing. Sometimes I wish it were, it would be nice to eat a meal with you sitting on my lap instead of wanting to jump on it. There is this sparkle to your eyes, that twinkles the moment you watch us walk towards you. When the girls aren't there around you, you smile less. I wondered how you would react to them being away. You are still happy, but you look around for them, wondering when they are coming to say good morning. 

You are a drooler these day, like soak your bib, shirt and undershirt kind of drool. It's really awesome. You are like a giant puppy. Happy and drooling. You are constantly trying to stick your entire fist in your mouth and most of the time you are successful. You are starting to grab at toys or when we put them in your hand you will hold onto them for a while. You finally decided that you like the bumbo and I'm so glad. But your very favorite thing is the johnny jump up. Oh how you love it. You bounce and kick and wiggle all morning long while I'm getting ready. You get to watch the girls come and go and if you giggle loud enough at them they will swing you back and forth. Everyday it seems like you are getting bigger. Your cheeks are squishier, your chins are multiplying and that sweet snuggly infant has turned into a jabbering baby. You are really good at telling stories, and I'm pretty sure Ruby understands you. You talk to each other for a good part of the morning, ooh and ahhing back and forth.

Henry, you are the best thing that has ever happened to this household. You are that link in the chain that makes us all connected, and for that we are forever grateful. I can't wait to see what you grow up to be, how you change and your personality develops. But in the mean time, we are so enjoying this stage of your life. 

Know that you are very much loved. 

love love

mom

month fifty nine

Oh Miss June,

When did you get so big on me? I wonder if your clothes are shrinking but realize that your arms and legs are growing like the weeds in my garden. Not only are you getting taller you've become so much older, like an adult in a little body. Maybe it's your innate compassion or your motherly instincts but you bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are here to please and if there is any hint of disappointment in my voice you crumble. You've taken on the biggest big sister role very seriously and spend your days teaching Ruby all the things she will need to know, whether Ruby wants to learn or not you are going to teach her. Somedays I wonder how I got so lucky to have such a responsible, polite child, but also I feel a little sadden that you feel so much pressure to be perfect. I don't know if its because you are the oldest and that's what older children do or if it's just what you are programed to do. I'm guessing its a little bit of both.

You believe in following the rules and get so irritated at those who don't. We go to gymnastics once a week and a little boy has a hard time following the rules and you get so frustrated, you put your hands on your hips and yell at him. You just want to wait your turn for the balance beam and can't understand why he can't wait like the rest of the class. You are really, really good at gymnastics and I like being able to watch you excel at it. You are strong and very coordinated and constantly want to be better than you were last week. Which basically means you spend your days doing handstands and cartwheels around the house. But it pays off and you notice it. 

You are happy child, oh you are so happy. You're excited for everything we do and are constantly talking. You are talking about this and that and everything in between. You live in your own little world where you make the rules and everyone follows them, it's cute to watch you play pretend. It's where I am able to see inside your world and catch a glimpse at the characters you create. 

Stella, you are so full of love and compassion and enough attitude to keep me awake at night. As your mother, I truly enjoy watching you grow and learn. You can be so many things in this world and I can't wait to see how you'll change the world. 

I love you.

love love

mama

Month 33

Oh Miss Ruby Maine,

As our last months of life with just girls is winding down, a little part of me is getting sad. Sad to see my days alone with just you come to an end. Then you snuggle up next to me and tell stories to my swollen belly, you tell your little brother all about life outside and I am no longer sad. I am so excited. So excited to watch you fall more in love with him. I imagine it will be like your love for Grandpa Trace and Uncle Hunter. You fell in love with them long ago, snuggled in their arms morning and night. They held you as you grew through your wardrobe and as I gathered the pieces of our life back together. You healed everyones heart with your big eyes; and as we settled into life with just us girls, your heart still belonged to those boys, those silly boys. You came to love your dad Trevor and then your new dad Kevin and you have more people in your life that love you than any little girl I know. But you never forget Bampa and Huunter, and to this day there isn't a person you want to be with more than those two. Not even me.
Part of me has a sneaking suspicion that your heart will soon belong to your new baby brother and everyone else will become second best. Your feisty spirit and busy days will fall into place around him and I'm hoping you adapt to his presence quickly and smoothly. If you love him as much as you love him now, and he isn't even here yet, I don't think we have much to worry about. Hopefully.

Your words are more like words and less like jibberish these days and you always know what you want. You want to do things yourself or have Stella do them for you. You have mastered the way of getting your sweet sister to pretty much do whatever you want, whenever you want. You avoid your own set of tasks just long enough for Stella to do them for you and for me to not notice you didn't do them. It's an art really; one we are working on. You are unbelievably athletic, but not very strong. You have great balance and will ride your bike faster and more fearlessly than any child I've ever seen. But your size is your disadvantage, you are small. Very small. Noisy, but small. You have an attention span that is most times longer than my own. You will snuggle on your dad's lap watching the football game only to be distracted when there are commercials. You love football. You spend your week asking when the next game is, and always think that Uncle Hunter is playing, regardless if he is or isn't.
You are a great sleeper, an amazing eater and are usually just happy. Happy to talk to you, happy to be home or in the car. You are happy to play toys or color, maybe sing songs or watch Cars. Rarely are you combustible. You have eased into your second year so gracefully I wonder where the time has gone.
Miss Red Dress, I am so grateful I get to spend my days with you. That we get to putter around the house talking and dancing around. I am so grateful that I don't have to share you with anyone else.
I am your mom and you are my Ruby and there isn't much better than that.

love love
mama

Family Update: Ruby Maine

Oh Miss Ruby,
You little one are such a dream. You are a little wiley, you still have terrible hair but are so funny that we don't even notice anymore. Well your dad might, he struggles to take you seriously with your hair everywhere. You are a cheese ball, a good eater, a great sleeper and even better at going potty. You are talking so much more, in complete sentences and when I ask you to go get Stella from the toy room you stand at the top of the stairs and yell "STELLA COME UPSTAIRS MOM WANTS YOU". Then you look at me and smile. You are a wanderer of your own sorts, you don't necessaryly want to play with the other kids, or me. You like to just play by yourself. You will play with other kids and you follow Stella around looking up to her every move, but only after you've filled your quota of me time.

We are working through the terrible twos and teaching you all the things you don't want to learn. Like you've decided that dinner just isn't your meal of choice; breakfast is. You eat bowls and bowls of cereal in the morning and won't touch anything at dinner. Then you go to bed hungry and wake up starving. It's a vicious cycle. But a few weeks ago I had enough of this staring at your food and then wandering around. We were having a salad with salmon on it and Stella had managed to eat all of hers but you were throwing a fit of giant proportions. Instead of sending you to your room I took a deep sigh of patience and threatened to flick you until you ate your food. You had to try one bite of everything on your plate. You screamed, I took more deep breaths. You screamed some more and I flicked your cheek. You screamed and screamed and I prayed for patience. After about 2 minutes of screaming and me breathing you looked and me and took a bite of cucumber. And after about 7 minutes you had eaten two bites of everything on your plate, including the salmon. It was the first moment we had that wasn't just a scream fighting mess. You understood me and I understood you. I was the mom and you were the child. You ate your food, took your plate to the sink then ran outside to play. It was one of my most proud moments as a mother. Like I knew what I was doing. Now you don't always want to eat all of your food, but you eat as many bites as I ask you too. Unless it's pepperoni pizza, you eat that until your pot belly is bursting at the seams.

You continue to be everything I need, and if you are well rested you are happy. You make our home just busting with chaos, the kind of chaos that we live for. Whether your playing with Stella or talking to my belly it's all pretty cute. You are really good at cruising around on your strider bike, way better than Stella ever was on that thing. You love it, especially if you get to wear your helmet. You could be outside all day long if the wind didn't blow, you hate the wind with every little fiber in your soul. You sit at the back door watching the tree to see when it will stop blowing so you can go outside. Ruby Red Dress, you are so loved. Don't ever forget it.
love love
mom

Family Update: June Bug

Oh Miss June Bug. You are such a funny little thing. We are learning to ease back into life together. at home daily. all day long. me and you. You are such a lover. I had no idea anyone could come out of the womb so kind, so compassionate and tender. You had this conversation with Kevin a month or so ago. I was lucky enough to be in the kitchen when it occurred...

Stella: "Dad, we need to talk. On the couch, just me and you. I need to tell you something"

Kevin: "OK Stella, what's going on?" {I'm certain flash forwards of her teenage years are flooding his mind and he nearly pees his pants with concern}

Stella: "Well, you know this boy Wyatt? I just can't help it anymore, I'm a Lover. I love him"

Kevin: "... ... Stella, you can't love boys when you are four years old. I won't let it happen."

Stella: "Dad! I told you, I CAN'T HELP IT! I'M A LOVER!!"

Kevin: {Completely dumbfounded at this conversation}"Stella, you can be a lover, but you can't have any boyfriends or kiss any boys besides your family until you are old. Like really old."

Stella: "I'm a lover. It's not how we function." {She then kisses his forehead and walks away.}

I'm certain he hasn't gotten any sleep since this conversation.

You love everything. You love Ruby. You love the baby brother, whom you've named and refuse to call him anything other than that. You love your Heavenly Father and ask nearly daily when you will get to see him again, because you miss him. I guess in your mind you have more than one dad, so adding a Heavenly Father that you could miss daily is completely understandable. You are a little mother. You speak for Ruby and thrive at the chance to get her a bowl of cereal in the morning. You just want to be responsible and take any responsibility I give you very seriously. 

 We constantly battle over the speed of how you do things. Nothing you do is quickly. I'm quite certain you are the worlds slowest eater. It takes you 45 minutes to eat a hot dog. It makes dinner time less enjoyable when we are constantly asking you to finish eating instead of day dreaming. You just tend to get distracted with your own thoughts and dreams. Sometimes I wonder what has you off in lala land, but I refrain from asking for fear of more lover conversations. 

You like to be dressed and look pretty. If you don't think your outfit is a "pretty outfit" there is no way you are wearing it. You also like to have big bows in your hair where you can twirl around and your hair stays out of your eyes. 

Basically we are terrified for your teenage years. The drama, the emotion, the tender heart can not do well during those junior high years. I guess we have a few years until then and we can continue to prepare.

You are so loved June.

love love

Month 23

Miss Ruby,
You so full of excitement these days. It's my favorite thing to look through iPhoto and find you face of pure excitement. Your sister shows some attitude and get's annoyed with me, but you, you still think I'm funny. You still think everything is amazing. You have fallen completely in love with Kevin. You are entirely over me in comparison to Kevin. I thought you were in love with him months ago, but it has only grown exponentially. You just want him. I'm getting over my jealousy. Slowly. Watching you fall in love with him and him you has been the sweetest thing. You wake up in the morning and scream "Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!" If I walk in there, you sit down and shake your head no and continue yelping for Kevin. In his arms you look like this 9 month old, in mine you look like the toddler that you are. Every night I used to sing you the "Pie Song", the same one I sing Stella nightly. But then Kevin took over and now you won't sleep without a rendition of "Take me out to the ball game." Yes. You won't go to sleep until the seventh inning stretch.

You went tubing this month with the family and your face was one of joy the entire time. Until you got cold, real cold. We took your frozen hands inside and within moments you were snuggled in my arms fast asleep. It was a rare occasion that happens and for me it was more fun than tubing.




Ruby, you are so busy and so funny. You are talking a little more each day, but your personality is bursting at the seams. You dance in your car seat like you've got swagger. You purse your lips making the what we call the "Grandpa Face" and nobody stops laughing about it. You are a gem at parties and through the holiday's I was lucky enough that I didn't worry a moment about taking you out, just maybe about your hair.

I love you so much Ruby, I can't imagine a single moment without you in it. Thank you for being such a bright spot in our lives.
love love
Mom

Month Forty Nine

Miss June Bug,
You are a riot. But I fear you are growing up to fast, could you slow it down for me? You stayed little before you went to Pre-school and now you are writing your name, spelling letters out, talking about your friends and how nice they are to you. It's like your a child and not even a toddler anymore! You even fit into GapKids clothes now! Slow down I tell you, slow down!
You wrote a letter to Santa this year nearly all by yourself and it was rather traumatic because the next day at daycare you realize you forgot to add a pillow pet to the letter. You were so sad at daycare that they called me to ask if I could maybe let Santa know that you had forgotten the pillow pet. We talked about it, and you were certain that Santa was going to forget because the letter already was in the mailbox and there was no going back after you put it in the mail box. You were nearly inconsolable about the pillow pet. Don't you worry June, we've got an inside line with Jolly Ole St. Nick and we got Pillow Pet on the list. But not that weird unicorn one that you wanted, just a lady bug.

You have been skiing up a storm lately with your dad. You love it! When you come home you get so excited about it. Nothing makes me happier than hearing you tell me how you went on the ski lift and you went down all by yourself. We talk about pizza and french fries and you are happy about it all. I really wondered how letting your dad teach you to ski would go over, but he has been great with you. He has made you fall in love with the sport and I couldn't ask for more. Now if we could just get some more snow you would be even more thrilled. Nothing like getting an entire new ski outfit and not having any snow to play in.

You are such a girl. And I mean that in the best way possible. But you are all glitter, dresses and sparkles. You want to look pretty, you want to feel pretty. You came crying into dad this last week because you couldn't find your sparkly belt and without it you couldn't feel pretty. I'm terrified of your teenage years. Mostly because Miss Taryn sent me a picture message of you rubbing your alleged boyfriends back during the preschool Christmas party. His name is Wyatt. You came home that day and told me that Wyatt thinks you are the prettiest girl, and he loves your new hair cut, it makes your hair shiny. SERIOUSLY. How as your mother do I get any sleep I'm not sure... We had a talk about Wyatt and you are going to think about having a boyfriend or not.

June, You are such a glowing happy spot in our lives. You rarely are out of control, you might whine from time to time, but you are really a great kid. You are kind and loving and want everyone to be happy. When people are sad, or you know you've made them sad it sits with you for a long time, you feel terrible about it. You are geniunely kind and loving and it melts my heart every day. I love you so much.
love love
mom

Month 22

Ruby Ruby,
Oh my sweet little girl, where have you gone? You are nearly out of control these days. Like really. Maybe because you haven't been sleeping. Your favorite thing is to just be awake in the middle of the night, yelling. Not crying, not screaming, yelling. You are yelling at us. Oh it is exhausting for everyone involved. Its a good thing you are cute otherwise nobody could handle it.

You have the cutest smile, your dimples are edible and your gap teeth make me grin just like your sisters does Your hair is still terrible, but I'm hopeful it will get better. You are a great little sister for Stella. She takes care of you and you put her in her place when you are not in the mood to be taken care of. You let her have her moments and it is really sweet. At her birthday party you just stood back and watched, just waiting for her to toss aside the wrapping paper so you could play with it. I hope you and Stella always get along, I hope you always take care of each other the way you do now.

Your new favorite past time these days is taking a bath. I have to be careful about saying the word "bath" otherwise regardless of where we are you start taking off your clothes and screeching 'ath'. You could play in the tub until the water turned cold and your shriveled up like a raisin. Now if I could just get you to stop screeching while you played I would let you play all day. It's the echo that kills me every time.

You got your hair cut for the first time this month! I realized your mullet had grown in out of control and one side was about 2 inches longer than the other. I was really nervous to take you and Stella to get your hair cut, visions of screaming wiggling little girls haunted my mind. You both did great. Your pig tales are now even and cuter than ever. It's amazing what you get away with when you are bouncing around with cute little pig tails following you.

Ruby, I can't tell you how much I need you in my life. Even when you are out of control from time to time I nee that. It's your way of telling me I need to pay attention more, I need to be better for you. It's like you are my watch dog always keeping me in check. I forget that you are still my baby girl, and even when your sister is looking out for you or you are becoming more and more independent you are still my baby; and I love you so much.
love love
mom

Month forty-eight

Stella June,
 Can you believe it has been 48 months? You are 48 months old! You have been my infant, my baby, my toddler and now you are my little girl. It still sometimes startles me that you are mine, that I get to watch you grow and change. I get to watch your cheeks grow and the gap teeth fill in. I get to be there on your first day of school and the first time you gave a primary talk. You are my little girl. This past year I've been able to watch you fall in love with Kevin as much as I have. I've watched you protect and take care of your sister. I've watched you melt down and surprise me with your strength. And through all the other moments of your life I couldn't be more proud to be your mother.

 You have blossomed into a little girl who believes things should be sparkly and pretty. You don't like to be dirty or have wear boring clothes. We bought you a great pair of clarks boots and I hoped you would love them because they had purple laces, and because Grandma Deb, Grandpa Trace, Me, Dad and Uncle Brian all have several pairs. You do not. They are not pretty enough. You would rather wear you pink flats that have a bow on the toe and that are two sizes to small. Most nights I lose sleep over the thought of your teenage years.

You have become an amazing big sister to Ruby. When Ruby gets scolded for biting or scratching she runs to you for reassurance. You will drop everything to snuggle her and make her feel better. It is so cute to watch the two of you bond and form alliances together. We are very much so on a man to man defense around the two of you.

Stella, you are invigorating and exhausting all at the same time. You are the sweetest little girl. Seriously. You are genuinely sweet and kind. You heart is bigger than your blue eyes. Thank you for teaching me how to be that way, for reminding me how to be full of kindness.
I love you so much.
love love
Mom

Month 21

Ruby,
Oh my Ruby! What a month we have had! I just keep looking at the pictures of you and laughing. You are such a funny little girl! Seriously. You have the cutest pot gut. I know I probably am creating some sort of weird complex, but seriously. Your belly is like you are trying to smuggle a cantaloupe under your shirt. It's only like that at the end of the day, But whenever I see it, I give into the urge to smurf it until you giggle uncontrollably. Mature of me? Nope, not at all. But it is so cute! Every time I pick you up and you "Hi!" I am immediately drawn into kissing your cheeks. They are so stinkin' kissable! Please grow out of that before you teenage years.

You are a constantly wishing you could get what you want, or wishing you could at least communicate what you want. You are getting much better, and everyday it is easier to understand. Last week we were standing in the kitchen and I was baking some sort of mess and you were screaming at me as you were standing at the fridge. I asked if you wanted "cheese"? And she shook her head no and kept tugging at the fridge yelling "dadock, dadock, dadock". I was seriously stumped. But you kept saying it over and over again, grabbing my leg and pulling me over to the fridge. I was feeling a little bit like a failure because I didn't know what you were talking about and then you started to cry. As I opened the fridge and stared aimlessly at the scattered food, I realized you wanted a hot dog! I ask you if you did and you did a happy dance as if it were Christmas morning! You ate two hot dogs and then I smurfed your pot belly until you were giggling so hard you couldn't breathe.

You were sick a few weeks ago with a fever that left you glued to my chest. I have never seen your dad be so worried about anything in his life. You were on fire and only allowing snuggling to happen. I managed to cook, clean and type one handed for two days because I was holding you with the other arm. When Kevin would come home we would trade off and you would over heat him for the rest of the night. As your fever eased up you spent a few days, pretty much screaming. I'm not sure why, but you were ticked. On about hour 56 of you constantly screaming I had to start making fun of you. Kevin drew the line at me screaming back. So instead I just photographed over and over again for your posterity. They will thank me I'm sure.

You wore the cupcake costume this year for Halloween, and boy oh boy did you wear it well! You were so freaking cute as you hopped along with your arms flapping around! You loved every moment of it! My favorite is when you discovered its similarities to wearing a sumo suit and started running into everything and falling on the ground with your feet up in the air as you couldn't get up; of course giggling the entire time.

Rubes, you are a spit fire. You are happy, you are sad, you are tough, you are a gangster, you are demanding, you are self sufficient,  and you are unbelievably cute. I love you.
love love
Mom

Month 20

Oh Ruby Red Dress,
What a firecracker you are! Oh my goodness little one, I believe we are getting a solid taste of what you are going to be as a two year old. Your facial expressions nearly say it all. You have the funniest scowl, and then the happiest buck tooth smile. You can go from one extreme to the other in a moments notice, in fact it happens so quickly that I never seem to have my camera on my fast enough to capture it all. You are dramatic like your sister in that the world is always ending when you've been wronged, but you are a lot sneakier than most. You drift out of the picture and I will find you knee deep in the clean laundry or texting to the masses. I gotta keep my eye on you.  You still have the worst hair possible and I am hoping it adds to your charm. I try and make it presentable, but you hate the hair elastics. Regardless of type, size, color, brand or amount of hair I'm pulling up. You hate them all. Gangster.

 You want to be so much like your sister. You mimic nearly everything she is doing. If Stella cries when she get's her hair brushed then you cry, even if I don't actually brush your hair and you just see me nearing with the brush. If Stella is going to the bathroom then you try and strip down and use the bathroom. If Stella is drinking out of a real cup then your sippy cup is no where near good enough. If Stella has the purple toy and you have the pink one, then we have a problem on our hands. What complicates this the most is your inability to communicate fully in a language we understand. And it quite possibly could be that Stella talks for you. I can't decide if you are getting better at putting words together or if we are getting better at understanding the jibberish. We are getting there I suppose. You love to read books, and curling up with you and your giant cardboard book has helped a lot with the words you say. You will flip the pages of the books over and over again pointing and jibbering nearly English words. It's about the only time you are calm. We try to keep books in every nook and cranny of the house, as it just minimizes the screeching.

 You have decided that you hate nursery at church now. I'm not sure if it's the time of day that makes you hate it or the people. But I do know that you hate it. You will cry and cry and cry the entire time. Even when I sit in there with you, you cling to my lap refusing to even look at anyone else. It's a little dramatic, but a secret part of me enjoys that you just want me. Selfish, yes I know. That's why we decided that it was easier to go home for a Sunday School nap and come back for the third hour. You love day care and don't usually have any sort of stranger danger or separation anxiety. You do however have favorites. If Grandpa Trace, Kevin, Myself and Stella were all lined up you wouldn't hesitate who to go to. It would be Kevin every time. He went out of town for a sales symposium for a week and you struggled more than anyone else. Every time the door would open you pranced over to the back door yelling "Dad! Dad! Dad!". Then when he wasn't there, your giant eyes would well up with tears and you'd mumble "Daddy, BuhBye, BuhBye Daddy" After about 3 days I was exhausted. When he finally came home you only had eyes for him. It's like you tolerate me most of the time, but you live for him. For him to get you out of bed in the morning, read a story, get dressed or to throw you in the air, it's always better with him. Watching the two of you bond and play makes me giggle inside. You are so cute together.

Ruby, you are so busy and going so much that the moments you sit down and snuggle with me are the ones that I live for. The ones that I catch myself day dreaming about. Someday's when I come home from work and you are so excited to see me and want to tell me all about your day in your awesome version of English, I have to stop and soak it all in. This are the moments of a 19 month old that are the best. When you drag me around looking for things or bring your blankets and a book to me for a story. They are the rewards of motherhood that make you want 4 more, because it is honestly just so much fun. As you transition out of being a baby into a full fledged toddler I'm in awe that you can even be this old. That you can pick up the toys on your own and take off your clothes when you don't want them anymore. You are growing so fast, please just stop, just snuggle with me some more.
I love you Miss Ruby. You are always exactly what I need at the end of the day.
love love
Mom

month forty seven

Stella June,
Oh hi mini me; could you look more like me? Your hair, eyes, smile, cheeks... We were at the cowboy store picking up some new boots and an old teacher of mine saw you running around without me. I heard him say, "Tehmi must be your Mom!" This happens on a regular basis around town. I sort of love it. And yet, it scares me. I've seen how it all plays out, and those teenage years were rough. 
This month you have just settled into a great rhythm and routine.  We don't have a lot of meltdowns or tantrums. Knock on wood. You have consistently been well behaved and happy for weeks on end. You have become very motherly to your baby doll and even more so to Ruby. You are so concerned that she is OK, or not doing things right. You talk for her, carry her everywhere, get her food, grab her out of her crib, read her stories, try to wash her hair in the tub, and so on. I'm actually surprised you haven't tried to change her diaper. You change the doll's diaper all day long, but I guess that one is a little cleaner.

You are such the informant child, and as I read back on previous monthly letters, I knew this was coming. You hate it when someone breaks the rules. HATE it. When you come home from school and tell me about your day, the response I always get is "I didn't have to sit in the thinking chair today. The thinking chair is for when you are disobedient. I am obedient." You will tell me how many times all the other kids in the class had to sit in the thinking chair, and again remind me that you did not. I will say, the introduction of the thinking chair has shown light on how frustrating you find it is to have people not listen. You have been the sweetest girl the last month. You have constantly done what I asked, when I asked, and your loving attitude towards everyone has only increased. Something I wasn't so sure could increase. 

You were Mary Poppins this year for Halloween and I must say, you were the best Mary Poppins I have ever seen. Seriously. You played the part so well. From the hat to the gloves you were prim and proper. You wandered around saying, "Cheerio Mother, Cheerio". When we went to Novell to Trick or Treat Dad, people stopped and were in awe of the cute factor. When they left, you pulled my arm and whispered in my ear, "They think I'm the REAL Mary Poppins!" Little kids are the best! The unobstructed views of things always catch me off guard, your pure belief and innocence in things makes me smile whole heartily.

June, you are such a funny child. You always make us smile in everything you do. From the sweet things you do to the funny things you say. You make our home happy and energetic, thank you for taking care of us.
love love
Mom

Month 19

Ruby Tuesday!

You my dear are a funny little thing! You are becoming quite the Ms. Independent. It is a bit overwhelming, because you are still to little to do everything, but think you can do it all. You want to be exactly like your sister. You want her toys, you want her books, you point at things she does, and hug me after Stella does. Last week you followed her into the bathroom and tried to go potty. You stripped off all your clothes and yelped until someone put you on the potty. You sat there for a while then scrambled off and tried to flush. I'm not sure I'm ready to potty train you yet, mostly because you don't communicate very well just yet. There is a lot of jibbering that goes on. Everyday I feel like I understand more, but you are still slow to get there.
 
You are such a happy little girl. You are always jabbering and smiling and running around. You never stop, or rest for anything. You are really great at entertaining yourself and finding things you shouldn't have. You are the queen of the bathroom. Your favorite thing is to play in the drawers while we are getting ready. I am certain it is the reason we are late more than not these days. Shooing you out of the drawers takes a lot of time. My solution to it is to throw you in the tub while I get ready. We are really great at multitasking. You love the tub. If I tell you we are taking a bath, off come the clothes.
At night I sneak into your room to watch you sleep, I know it's a little weird but watching you sleep is the sweetest thing. You curl up with your bum straight in the air and several blankets under your face. If we try to move you around, you will instantly return to the stink bug. When you sleep I see so much of Trevor in you. Your lips are 100% Marsh. I like that you look like him, you will always know that you are his daughter too. When we left you were barely 6 weeks old, and if you didn't look like him so much you might not have known where you started.
I love you so much Ruby Maine. You are a complete burst of energy, a burst of happiness in our home. I can't imagine a moment without that.
love love
Mom

month forty-six

Dear June,
I am to say a little bit behind on these posts, but I like to tell myself that I am just purely enjoying your company rather than documenting it. I promise to be better. The summer came to a close and your tan skin and streaky blonde hair settled into fall. I finally had to box up all of your shorts and tank tops just so you would stop trying to wear them everywhere. The concept of warm clothes and cold weather is a difficult one for you.
This month Kevin and I left you for a week to bask in the sunshine and you stayed home to play with Trevor. We spoke on a daily basis and the conversations were a highlight. In fact I wrote them on my boarding pass so I would remember how much you make me smile. One went like this:
Me: "JUNE! How are you?"
Stella: "Pretty good. Are you at the ocean?"
Me: " I am! We went swimming in the ocean looking for fishes today, we didn't see any though"
Stella: "MOM. You have to be so careful in the ocean, because if Ursula gets you she will steal your voice and then I won't be able to talk to you anymore. That would make me sad, and Ursula has really long arms, so please be careful"
Me: "(stifling laughter) I promise to be careful and watch out for Ursula....

You apparently have been watching The Little Mermaid and were as serious has a hurricane about Ursula. You were certain she would come and get us and that we wouldn't have a voice anymore to talk to you. We arrived home with a conch shell that "Ariel" gave to us to deliver to you. You slept with it for several nights until you decided that it wasn't the best snuggling partner.

You started school this month, and my oh my what a difference. What a change in my little 3 year old it has made. You love it! You were so nervous on the first day. You wanted your hair just perfect and were so scared that you weren't going to know all the things that you thought you needed to know. We had to sing the alphabet song to help you remember your letters, and we drew them out so you were certain you knew which ones were which. When you ran in the door to school and said good bye you never looked back, you never hesitated a moment over what you were doing there. I think you realized then that you were more nervous about making friends than knowing the curriculum. You know the curriculum.  June, you have this sweet disposition in situations like your new class, it reminds me of Uncle Hunter. The Hunter we know is loud and talkative, at times unbelievable confident in himself. But as I see him in situations where that isn't appropriate, he is humble and the confidence is underlying. You are like that June. You know your stuff; you are smart and beautiful and you know it. That terrifies me, it's a deadly combination. But in places outside of you comfort zone, you are sweet, quiet, and timid. You find your place inline and then settle in. Watching your interactions with other kids in class and at church always amazes me as a parent. Seeing you socialize and your personality emanate mine, scares me yet warms my soul.

Kevin decided that you needed to see Mary Poppins in person this month. It was a little spontaneous for him, he bought the tickets a week in advance. You didn't really know what to expect. But when you got there and saw Mary Poppins singing on the stage the look of awe was priceless. The look of amazement is whey we take you to new things, to watch for that. You were so grown up, the way you acted at the restaurant before hand and as we made our way to the front row you were as good as anyone could have hope for. Even when I sent you into the Men's room with Kevin to go potty you just smiled and said OK. In the past, things that you know are not normal illicit an argument. Not that day. You just smiled and tried to absorb all that was around you. I hope that you always look for new things, soaking them all in and that your passion for it all stays with you as you grow. Watching you have new experiences is like watching a sparkler ignite on the fourth of July, you gravitate towards it.

June, this month I have been so thrilled to be your mother. Being there as you cross milestones off your list and watching you do them with ease makes me so proud. I sneak in at night and watch you sleep and it amazes me that you are nearly four years old now, not my newborn with the smashed face. Or the toddler who bounced around with blond curls and blue eyes. You are my little girl now.
I love you so much.
love love
Mom

month forty-five

Oh June Bug,
You are nearly four years old! Can you believe that? I can't. It seems so strange that you are getting so old on me. You are still pretty funny and are such the caretaker, but very much so my child. You are fesity. You are opinionated. You are demanding. You are a whiner from time to time. You are always on the go. You talk non stop. Yes June, I'm sure one day you will get a child just like you and there will be justice, but for now, I'm getting exactly what I deserve. The older you get it feels like you are more just my little friend, and not just my first born. We talk about things and you ask a million questions and you are so happy to help me out. When I can send you on an errand upstairs or downstairs you are so eager to help me. Unless it's making your bed. Then you tell me "No" and we have an argument over who is in charge basically. And as I'm typing this I'm realizing, why am I arguing with my 3 year old over who is right, I am always right when it comes to making the bed and nap time? See, I don't really know what I am doing as your mother some times, so thank you for helping me out.

You gave a talk in Primary last week and it was the cutest thing ever. I was a little stressed about it, wanting to make sure you had all the appropriate pictures and that it was cute, and that you would be able to say it. So we colored the pictures about how your body is like a temple. We worked on it all morning long and you were ready. You weren't nervous at all until you stood up to the microphone and waved your one finger at your dad who was in the back with his primary class. You clenched onto the microphone like all kids do and I said the first few lines then you warmed up and finished it. It was a classic Sunbeam in primary talk, and I loved it!

You had a nightmare last week that a bird came into your room and picked up and flew around the room and dropped you back in bed. You came rushing into my room around 3am and were terrified. You were so certain that the bird was still flying around your room. We turned on all the lights as you clenched your little body to mine and we examined every part of your room. We looked under the bed, in the closet and the dresser drawers. Once you were convinced that the bird was just a terrible dream you looked up at me with those blue eyes and asked me to stay with you for a while. I did. You slept in my arms, holding onto my neck until morning. Those moments are the ones that I treasure being your mother; when I get to rescue you, and protect you. When you get an owie you don't always run to me. You have a lot of people in your life that love you, that would do anything for you. But I'm your Mom. I'm the one you run to when the bird is flying around your dreams. I am so happy I get to be there for you. That you run to me, that you tell me everything, and ask me all those questions, (even though are way to many). I hope that through out our lives you run to me. That we get to be best friends forever. 

I love you Stella June.
love love
mom