Birth

We had a baby...

I checked into the hospital at 11am and hooked up to everything by noon. The contractions started shortly after and things progressed. My mom arrived and we all settled in. The hospital was busy, really busy; 27 births in 24 hours busy. We spent a lot of time waiting on the doctor and waiting on the anesthesiologist. I had a great epidural that felt like a dream and Kevin was a champ holding my hand and watching every move the doctor was making. Kevin and my mom watched the monitors and contractions while I tried to rest. I slowly progressed. As my doctor checked me at 5:30, I was an 8; but of course because he was going to do a c-section I decided to finish dilating about 5 minutes after he left. I crossed my legs and held on until he could get back. I don't think I could have done it if my dear husband wasn't there holding my hands and reassuring me, my mom putting cold towels on my feet and my siblings texting me. Just because you are about to give birth doesn't mean you are exempt from harassment via group text messaging. The doctor arrived at 6:15 and a few pushes and rotating the little boy, he was born at 6:34pm. 

There are no words to describe that beautiful moment when they lay your newborn on your belly. With Kevin by my side and tears in our eyes we counted ten fingers and ten toes. Relieved that he was only 7 pounds 9 ounces, instead of the predicted ten pounds, we held him close and embraced the little miracle in our arms. 

Kevin was amazing during delivery. Amazing. He beat all the odds stacked against him and didn't pass out or puke the entire time. He held my legs and cut the umbilical cord. He coached me through the pushing and was completely consumed by the birth of his son. I couldn't have asked for a better man to be by my side. 

We are home now and everyone is doing well, Henry Augustus is a dream and we are completely in love. Completely in love I tell ya.

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Introducing...

Henry Augustus Brimhall

November 1, 2012

6:34pm

7 pounds 9 ounces

19.5 inches

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a baby boy's room

A baby boy's room... This was a hard project for me to wrap my mind around. I couldn't see what I wanted, the vision was always blurry. I didn't obsess or stress about it. I just left it alone, sent it to the back of my mind to work it's self out. It did. Amazing what happens when you let things settle, they just work out. I should remember that. And Kevin just let me stew about it. Can I just say that husband of mine is really good at just trusting me, he has the perfect amount of opinions on decorating. Not to many, and the ones he has aren't that strong. Works out so perfectly. 

That being said, I fell in love with the bedding and I waited, waited, and waited for it to arrive. The entire room was on hold so I could focus the entire room around it. Call it my focal point if you will. It was worth the wait. It is the softest, most fantastic fabric I have ever seen. It was worth every email saying it was backordered another month. 

Then I found this fantastic iron bike on Etsy. Can we just talk about the greatness of Etsy? Love it. I was hoping it was bigger, but actually think it works out nicely. Every little boy needs a bicycle right?

I have never had a changing pad before, but I've never really cared since I'm a floor sitter. Kevin isn't a floor sitter. And he is a giant and thinks the floor is dirty. So he asked for a changing table, and I obliged. I mean he will be changing some diapers.

The shelf above the dresser is probably 25 years old and I stole it from my Mom's basement. She won't notice, I painted it. I will continue to tinker with that shelf; adding items, removing items and shifting everything. It's what I do. 

Then there is this red rocking chair. For the record I have used it in all the girls rooms and now this little boys and I always stare at it and think "Really? How am I going to decorate another bedroom with this red chair." I thought about getting a new one, but after the bedding arrived and things started to fall into place I decided that I really like that red chair. A little color goes a long way. Plus I could buy new shoes instead of another rocking chair. And a giant crocheted ball to assist in the rocking is my favorite thing. 

And a little boy's room should always have a map in it. Why? In case he wants to be a pirate or a sailor or whatever people use maps for. Thank you Etsy for providing a plethora of map options. Just remember to not ship it parcel post, 3 weeks is way to long to have to wait. 

The best part about this little nursery of ours is that every few days, Kevin walks past it and makes a comment about how much he loves it. And I love it too. I find myself sitting in there, hiding from the children, crocheting little hats and feeling the warmth of the sunshine come in. I can't wait to show it to this baby boy. 

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i have kevin

Patience. I have no patience for this baby who thinks its ok to play with my mind. Am I in labor? When is he coming? I'm pretty sure I'm in labor, then I'm pretty sure I'm not. Pregnancy is not my thing. (Not that it is for any woman, and if it's your thing then you should have dozens of babies. dozens.) Not only is it hard on my body, (I'm so tired of throwing up, or feeling the need to throw up I could scream,) but emotionally I feel parts of my sanity breaking off and I watch them float away. It scares me. I constantly have to remind myself that I have Kevin. I have Kevin. I have Kevin. And that makes it all so much better.
For the last 9 months I've felt very stable. More stable than I could have imagined. No melt downs, no freak outs, no need to rock back and forth and no hiding in the closet until I could face the world. We endured the IV's, the throwing up, the lacking of breathing, the growing belly, and the anxiety of it all as gracefully as I could have imagined.
Until these last few weeks. Now I see myself retreating into my bedroom, avoiding the social aspect of life. My voicemails' full and text messages left unanswered, weeks worth of half written blog posts. But I have Kevin. I have Kevin who pulls me out of the funk with Chinese food. He holds me in the kitchen when he sees me loosing it over the spilled milk. I have Ruby who asks a million questions about everything, who bats her eyelashes and cracks herself up. Stella holds my hand and her compassionate heart holds mine. I'm constantly reminded that it isn't like the last time I gave birth, and it won't ever be like that. I have Kevin.
So today I am snapping out of my funk, my selfish, pregnant funk. I am going to make bread. Make a craft with my two beautiful daughters and blog about nothing. I am going to relish in the last moments of this house full of girls and we are going to play with glitter. I will probably still ignore my phone, but it's snowing outside and watching the landscape turn magical is much better than telling everyone that I'm still pregnant.
I'm still pregnant. But only have a week left. And in the grand scheme of things we have survived.
We will survive. He will be here soon and I won't be pregnant anymore. What a glorious thing.

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he moves

Pregnancy is so freaking weird. So is this video...

He exits my rib cage from Tehmi Tolbert Brimhall on Vimeo.

And then I peed my pants. 

Happy Friday!
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Content

I could pretty much have a dozen babies if I could guarantee they were like these two.



But then I am kicked in the rib cage and I pee my pants because the baby shifted and I am reminded that I hate being pregnant.
So it's a good thing I like the ones I have.

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Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

I am finding myself awake in the early morning hours feeling you move around my growing belly. I'm sure it's a precursor to our late night moments when you arrive. Some nights I am frustrated that I am awake and some nights, like last night, I lay there just feeling you. Like you are talking to me, trying to tell me something and I just can't quite understand what it is your trying to say. 

We are starting to count down the weeks until your arrival and I'm not sure who is more excited, your sisters or your dad. Ruby spends her mornings snuggled in bed with you and I. She used to tell me all about her night's sleep and the adventures in her dreams, but now she lays her head on my belly so she can tell you all about them. If I would let Stella, she would hug my belly, trying to hug you, every time she left the room. They color you pictures and sing songs daily, just waiting for you to play with them. You aren't even here yet and already you are so admired. 

Your dad is so excited and nervous at the same time. He has been holding your cousin Waycee every chance he gets just so he will be comfortable holding you. He is reading every article on your growth and spending the nights with his arm over my belly just feeling you. 

I am counting down the days until you are wiggling outside instead of inside. I know life will be easier with you inside, I'll have two free hands and going places is a lot less complicated. But regardless, I am ready to meet you. I am ready to show you the life we have here and to teach you. 

Until then though, know that we are anxiously and excitedly waiting and dreaming of you.

You are so loved. 

love love

mama

just a ramble

We've had one of those busy summers, (is there a summer where its not busy?) and my days have been consumed with a slight tendency to nest. So much so that when Kevin leaves in the morning he wakes me up and says "Please, please don't over do it today." I think we are having a communication error one what exactly constitutes "over doing it". But regardless when I crawl into bed at night its followed with a heavy sigh and all the dramatics. Seriously this kid I'm growing feels huge and he's sitting in all the wrong ways. All the ways that cause sighs and dramatic pauses. I stood up after dinner the other night and my entire leg gave way. Graceful. So graceful.
Apparently we are having a sciatic situation. Regardless he is growing, and ahead of schedule according to my doctor. Kevin assures me that baby boy won't be bigger than he was. I assure Kevin that he needs to be much much smaller than he was, 13 pounds isn't going to work for me. Seriously. Not. Going. To. Work. For. Me.
In all my baby growing days we are really just spending time with the girls. I've moved them downstairs in the basement together and it's been an adjustment. But I've had the most fun decorating their room, and every day I've dream up some new project that will be perfect down there. Kevin had no idea I was so crafty. I've just never had so much time to expose my inner craftiness. And I guess that's what stay at home mom's do.

Anyway, here's what my iphone say's we've been doing...

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Boy. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Our baby BOY!

I convinced the doctor to let us take a quick look at whether we were having a boy or a girl at our last appointment. I was just barely 16 weeks and our doctor normally won't look until 20.  My mothers intuition was all messed up. I couldn't tell if we were having a boy or a girl. This pregnancy is so different from the girls, but it's also Kevin's baby so maybe that's why. We so desperately wanted a boy, but I felt calm in having a girl. I know how to have girls, I knew that I could see Kevin falling in love again with another daughter. When our beloved nurse Cindy looked around at the squirming little one, at first glance, it was announced that it looked like a girl. A Girl! I looked at Kevin and squeezed his arm, A GIRL! ...yay? Then after about 20 minutes of prodding on a very old ultrasound machine it appeared that it was a Boy. A BOY! It most definitely looked like a boy, but we weren't certain we could announce to the world that it was a boy, only to be mistaken. We headed across the street to Fetal Foto where it took another 30 minutes to get the little one to uncross his ankles, at least this time we were able to watch him kick, squirm, wave, and suck his thumbs on a 46" TV screen. Kevin could determine what arms were and legs were on a screen that size. Finally after some convincing he uncrossed his legs. We are having a BOY! I was in tears excited. I could have had a girl, but I really wanted a boy. A baby BOY! A healthy, strong, wiggly baby boy. Kevin is over the moon excited, and the girls knew all along that they were having a baby brother. Kevin told me that I was smiling in my sleep that night. This little one already is so loved.
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Change

The restlessness comes to soon sometimes, but my dad is right, it powers change. And we are ready for change around here. We are expecting a little one this fall and couldn't be more excited. I'm excited for this baby, excited in ways I never was with the girls. Kevin is over the moon about the new arrival, and wanting to know exactly what he can do to take care of me and everything there is to know about pregnancy. It's a new adventure for him, one he is more prepared for than he thinks.
But now there is a growing baby inside my body, and it's doing it's very best to take over. Just like the babies before. I'm not going to let it, but sometimes I want to. (Dramatic right? Let's be honest, I am the dramatic one)
Can you believe that I am going to do this again? Have a baby!? That means I will have 3 of them. Crazy.  It is a very good thing that Ruby is exactly what I need right now (Like always, that child is always exactly what I need) She climbs into bed with me and snuggles, a lot. She lays her head on my chest and tells me about how the chicken bit her finger for the 7 millionth time. As I stroke her hair and she looks up at me it's the same look she gave me as we snuggled in the hospital. That look of "You know it will be OK, because I am here" She is cute and she tried to kill me as well. I'm trying to remember that. That she didn't kill me, she made me so much stronger. And it ended. The pukes do end and we are lucky that they don't last the entire time, just the first 4 months. Could be worse right?
I have Kevin now, who is constantly doting on my every possible need, thought or want. Except the one where I want to be left alone in the fetal position rocking back and forth. He wants to fix it and I think if he had known really how hard I would take to being pregnant he wouldn't have voted yes for a new baby. But it will get better and I keep telling him that. It helped that we heard the heart beat around week 6 and it was real. He heard the swooshing. He got choked up and kissed my forehead. I nearly peed my pants and cried a little as well. I can't wait for this little one to kick and squirm hard enough for him to feel it. This might be my third rodeo, but it's Kevin's first and that makes it so much more fun.
For now, we are taking it a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time. But if we will get there. The IV's are dripping and my veins are holding up better than I remember. We are hopeful that the end of April will bring the end of the puking, if not, we will just keep taking it a day at a time. Until then I have June who kisses my forehead and tells me that the baby is just getting stronger and that I will puke and that's OK. (Where she gets such logic with all her dramatic genes I'll never know.)
Cheers to great changes!
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My Cup Runith Over

For the last 9 months I have had a whirlwind of emotions. Everyone who has passed me on the street and waved can attest to my monster sized emotional instability. I couldn't make it through the day without having some sort of strange emotional outburst, whether in tears or screaming. Towards the end, I just stopped answering phone calls and dealing with people in general. Things that wouldn't have ever bothered me before just crawled under my skin. I couldn't handle being given a hard time and was a major unintentional buzz kill. I had even started avoiding social gatherings because I couldn't handle the roller coaster I was on, and I NEVER want to miss a party.
What is so ironic about all of these insane emotions is that no doctor really cared about them until after I gave birth. My OBGYN didn't so much as ask about how I was emotional handling all of the hormones. My pediatrician didn't ever think to ask anything about my mental state of life. However, now that Ruby is here, and it is all worth it, she is perfect and melting my heart with every breath she takes; everyone wants to know how I am emotionally handling all of it. Every nurse at the hospital asked when they checked my blood pressure if I had cried or felt blue. 24 hours after Ruby arrived, that was the first question my OBGYN asked. I took Ruby in for her PKU and 2 week check up and my pediatrician asked me a million questions about my emotional state. Everyone is now concerned about the baby blues. I'm thinking I might have had 9 months of the baby blues. I haven't felt this stable since I saw two pink lines. The only emotion I feel in excess these days is pure joy. I even look at my disaster of a two year old and I am overcome with how perfect it all is. How normal everything feels. Even though its all chaos, its our chaos, and its happy chaos.
Along with this overwhelming joy and chaos comes this huge amount of gratitude towards it all. So I want to make up for the last 9 months of crazy and spill all of this gratitude in my heart.

I am grateful for Trevor, who will hold me at 3am after I feed Ruby, because he knows how cold it is out there and how I love to be snuggled.
I am so grateful for Ruby, who sleeps for 4 to 5 hours at a time.
I am grateful for Sesame Street. Nothing keeps Stella's attention longer.
I am grateful for all the beautiful friends and neighbors who come and visit.
I am very grateful for Diet Coke.
I am grateful for my job, and that they just can't live without me.
I am grateful for the Internet, so I can do my job in bed.
I am grateful for all the really really nice comments people have made on Facebook.
I am grateful for my mother.
I am grateful for Trevor's relationship with Stella, they can play for days.
I am grateful that Stella still wants to be potty trained.
I am grateful for a very healthy, beautiful newborn who has already made pregnancy worth it.
I am grateful for Kenny and Tehmi who will talk to Stella on the phone when she calls. It's 5 minutes less that she is talking to me.
I am grateful for hot showers.
I am grateful for all the practical gifts my Mom gave Ruby.
I am very grateful for all the pretty gifts my Dad gave her.
I am grateful for Eliza, that she is here and perfect too.
I am grateful that Stella loves daycare so very much.
I am grateful that my Heavenly Father sent me a very calm, sweet baby.
I am grateful that I got all of my TO DO lists done before I gave birth.
I am grateful for Advil.
I am grateful for 98% cotton and 2% spandex jeans.
I am grateful that Ruby loves to snuggle.
I am so very grateful for the opportunity I have to be the mother to two very beautiful perfect daughters, even though we are getting exactly what we deserve.
I am grateful Trevor will almost let me eat fish tacos as much as I want.
I am grateful for Trevor.
I am grateful for Stella.
I am very grateful to not be pregnant anymore.
I am grateful to have Ruby here in my arms.

My cup runith over.
Love Love

Love

Tuesday night I was planning on making dinner and enjoying a little movie with Trevor and Stella, but by the time Trevor came home I just didn't feel right. We went to the grocery store and headed off to bed early. I couldn't sleep. Even with a Tylenol PM, I couldn't sleep. There was so much pressure I felt like I couldn't lay down. So I paced. When morning came so did the contractions. They started about 25 minutes apart and just continued to get closer. Finally around 10am I called my mom to tell I was pretty sure I was in labor. I had to make sure I was actually really in labor before sounding alarms, because after I called her, she packed a bag and waited by the door for me to tell her she could come down. I continued to time the contractions as I folded all the laundry, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, showered, blow dried my hair, made the beds and I paced. A lot. By four that afternoon they had gotten pretty painful and close enough I called Trevor and told him to come home. We said goodbye to Stella and headed into the hospital. We got there and I was dilated to a 3, they had me pace for an hour. Lets be honest I wasn't pacing, I was doing the most awkward lunges back and forth in my room. I was not going to be sent home. So I did a few jumping jacks and that sparked a lot of very painful contractions. When the nurse came back, I was at a 4. So we did a few more jumping jacks. 1 Hour later I was a 5 and getting an epidural. Holy cow I was having a baby.
I got settled in and Mr. Epidural Man came and not only did he make my legs very numb he also made my entire left arm numb. His response to this? "Hmm, that sucks." Mr. Epidural man also had hair like Conan. I couldn't look at him straight. The epidural stopped my contractions so we delayed for a little bit, even after upping meds and breaking my water. Around 1am I was at an 8 and had the shakes. Oh man, did I have the shakes. I forgot really how sucky being in labor is. Then before you know it I was breathing and "embracing" as the nurse called those last contractions while we waited for my doctor. He came, I pushed twice and Ruby Maine was here. It is amazing how much easier labor and recovery is when you only push twice. I enjoyed it much more than pushing for 3 hours like I did with Stella.

I have fallen in love with this little girl. True and honest love. I wondered how I would feel being a mother of two and having to share. At this moment, I truly don't care. I am in love with Ruby. All those months of fighting with her have disappeared. I have instantly forgotten about how terrible pregnancy is, because Ruby is this little version of perfection. She looks just like Stella did. But as I stare at Ruby, there is this calm spirit about her. Stella came out with some intensity. There was this force behind Stella. Ruby is dainty and delicate, which results in me staring at her for long periods of time.

Friday night Stella was able to come and visit. We were not really prepared for what this would be like. They had just lifted the ban of children in the hospital that afternoon so we ran to get June. Well, we should have let her wake from her nap and eaten some dinner before we rocked her world with a baby sister. She was very sweet with her, and got very sad when Ruby started to cry. But she knew what do, she shoved the binky in her mouth and gave her a kiss. Hopefully she will continue to love her sister instead of shove raisins up her nose.