Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My Cup Runith Over

For the last 9 months I have had a whirlwind of emotions. Everyone who has passed me on the street and waved can attest to my monster sized emotional instability. I couldn't make it through the day without having some sort of strange emotional outburst, whether in tears or screaming. Towards the end, I just stopped answering phone calls and dealing with people in general. Things that wouldn't have ever bothered me before just crawled under my skin. I couldn't handle being given a hard time and was a major unintentional buzz kill. I had even started avoiding social gatherings because I couldn't handle the roller coaster I was on, and I NEVER want to miss a party.
What is so ironic about all of these insane emotions is that no doctor really cared about them until after I gave birth. My OBGYN didn't so much as ask about how I was emotional handling all of the hormones. My pediatrician didn't ever think to ask anything about my mental state of life. However, now that Ruby is here, and it is all worth it, she is perfect and melting my heart with every breath she takes; everyone wants to know how I am emotionally handling all of it. Every nurse at the hospital asked when they checked my blood pressure if I had cried or felt blue. 24 hours after Ruby arrived, that was the first question my OBGYN asked. I took Ruby in for her PKU and 2 week check up and my pediatrician asked me a million questions about my emotional state. Everyone is now concerned about the baby blues. I'm thinking I might have had 9 months of the baby blues. I haven't felt this stable since I saw two pink lines. The only emotion I feel in excess these days is pure joy. I even look at my disaster of a two year old and I am overcome with how perfect it all is. How normal everything feels. Even though its all chaos, its our chaos, and its happy chaos.
Along with this overwhelming joy and chaos comes this huge amount of gratitude towards it all. So I want to make up for the last 9 months of crazy and spill all of this gratitude in my heart.

I am grateful for Trevor, who will hold me at 3am after I feed Ruby, because he knows how cold it is out there and how I love to be snuggled.
I am so grateful for Ruby, who sleeps for 4 to 5 hours at a time.
I am grateful for Sesame Street. Nothing keeps Stella's attention longer.
I am grateful for all the beautiful friends and neighbors who come and visit.
I am very grateful for Diet Coke.
I am grateful for my job, and that they just can't live without me.
I am grateful for the Internet, so I can do my job in bed.
I am grateful for all the really really nice comments people have made on Facebook.
I am grateful for my mother.
I am grateful for Trevor's relationship with Stella, they can play for days.
I am grateful that Stella still wants to be potty trained.
I am grateful for a very healthy, beautiful newborn who has already made pregnancy worth it.
I am grateful for Kenny and Tehmi who will talk to Stella on the phone when she calls. It's 5 minutes less that she is talking to me.
I am grateful for hot showers.
I am grateful for all the practical gifts my Mom gave Ruby.
I am very grateful for all the pretty gifts my Dad gave her.
I am grateful for Eliza, that she is here and perfect too.
I am grateful that Stella loves daycare so very much.
I am grateful that my Heavenly Father sent me a very calm, sweet baby.
I am grateful that I got all of my TO DO lists done before I gave birth.
I am grateful for Advil.
I am grateful for 98% cotton and 2% spandex jeans.
I am grateful that Ruby loves to snuggle.
I am so very grateful for the opportunity I have to be the mother to two very beautiful perfect daughters, even though we are getting exactly what we deserve.
I am grateful Trevor will almost let me eat fish tacos as much as I want.
I am grateful for Trevor.
I am grateful for Stella.
I am very grateful to not be pregnant anymore.
I am grateful to have Ruby here in my arms.

My cup runith over.
Love Love

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