Official

I got divorced today.
Weird right? My neighbor asked me what I was all dressed up for today, well because normally cut off shorts and a tee shirt is my daily attire so seeing me in slacks and heels was some sort of shock. But to respond, "well actually I went and got a divorce today" was a very surreal statement. I woke up this morning a legally married woman and as I fall asleep I'm just a single mom.
Its a flood of extremely strange emotions. I went from loving him, to spending the last 3 months being angry with him, and now I guess I'm supposed to feel completely apathetic towards him. Those are hard emotions to turn off and on, it is very surreal.

I think I am more scared to heal emotionally than I was to be physically alone. The logistics of my day to day life, or the practical reality as my attorney calls it, were easy for me to navigate the changes. Those make sense to me, I know what needs to be done. A place for us to live? Check. Beds for us to sleep in? Check. New daycare? Check. That list is easy to distract myself with. But now it feels like we are settled enough in our home to where we really enjoy being here. The divorce is final. All the pending transitions into this new stage of my life are done. But I guess, I wonder "now what?"
I suppose when you break it down, I will still get up tomorrow morning and have breakfast with the girls. They will be their smiling at me, so excited to see me. I will go to work, drink a diet coke and fall asleep exhausted. We will take it one day at a time. I feel like I got divorced the right way, the way that protects me and the girls from anything in the future. Now I want to make sure I heal my heart the right way as well, and the key to that will be time and shoe shopping.

Love Love