Sunday, August 9, 2009

I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Well there might be light at the end of the tunnel, enough that I am blogging about it. Last week Trace told me that I sucked at blogging. Usually I would write a post about how wrong he is and point out every fact that makes me not a sucky blogger. But lets face it, he told me that 4 days ago and I still haven't posted my counter arguement. I guess he is right. I suck at blogging. The month of July was a month I would wish to forget. It is just a blur of vomit, sleep and a few emotional breakdowns.
I did have one good day in July, one day where I woke up and felt good. I didn't feel like I needed to lay there motionless while I found the strength to open the pill bottle. I got up and ate a bowl of cereal with Stella. I got dressed, I put clean clothes on. I walked out of the house with my teeth brushed and a bra on before 9am. Can we say miracle? I felt like the old me, not this new me with a child taking over her insides. Stella and I played outside, we watered the lawn and the porch flower pots. We went to the grocery store, we went to the cowboy store, we read stories and played with her dolls. The feeling alone of functioning with out the constant nausea was terrific, but add the simple joys of playing with Stella. It might have been the greatest day ever. We went the rodeo that night and I got to watch Stella fall in love with cowboy boots and rodeos. I saw people I haven't seen since High School and I ate fry sauce at the Dairy Keen. I collapsed in bed way later than normal bed time, realizing I had spent this terrific day pill free. I had just felt good on my own. I fell asleep smiling, like there was reason to live again.
That great day didn't last any more days, but it gave hope. This is going to end at some point, some point sooner than later. The days are bearable now, I am getting out of bed. I am IV free. I am working from my desk downstairs. Stella is spending the days with me instead of the nearest babysitter. Hopefully in the next few weeks we will be done with this part of the pregnancy and I can go on enjoying it. Enjoying the kicks and the growing belly. I can get on with the list of things I want to get done before we are blessed with another one.
Even though that really great day didn't last but 24 hours, it has given me enough strength to make it through the next weeks. We take it a day at a time instead of from moment to moments. Hopefully soon this past 6 weeks will be a faded memory and I will be whining about how this new child doesn't sleep and I smell like soggy milk. I can't wait to smell like soggy milk.


  1. It will happen. I'm glad you had such a great day and I really hope that it does carry you through. You'll make it, Dude! It'll be great! You make such cute kids that we can't wait to see another little "Mini' running around. :)

  2. you can do it, tehmi! i'm cheering for you.

    hugs and kisses.