Quarter

25. 25 weeks. I'm scared. I am much more scared this time than I was with Stella. Ignorance is oh so blissful. I feel like I am going to wake up and its going to be the middle of January and I am about to be a mother of two, thats how fast time is going by. Before you know it Stella will be 2, then it will be Thanksgiving, and then the entire month of December zings by and there I am left with 4 weeks left. I'm refusing to let myself freak out and obsesse about things this time around, but I'm starting to fight the urge. I know my mother is already cringing when her phone rings. But its ok this time, I've already done this before. I'm at the advantage. I'm not reading the baby websites religiously, or books. I just look at Stella and all those sleepless nights come flooding back. I'm scared. This time, I won't be able to sleep when she sleeps; I will get to play with Stella instead. So I'm not really sure when I will get to sleep, but it will work itself out somewhere. Right? Right?!?
I do feel better that we have sort of decided on a name. I feel better that I have finally figured out how to put this little tiny baby into our perfectly arranged home. I feel better that I have already found bedding for both the girls. There will be no last minute freak outs because its not exactly how I pictured it. I am hoping my mother and husband are sighing in relief.
I went to the doctor last week for a check up, I was kinda excited because I was sure I hadn't gained that much weight. I had been eating bowls of cereal and grilled cheese sandwiches. With Stella I was working in an office, eating snacks out of a vending machine, and dining out for lunch. I knew it was a bad sign when I went to put on a my "fat" pants and I couldn't get them up over my thighs. I should have turned around on the scale and not looked. In 4 weeks I had gained as much weight as I had in the previous 5 months. Yes I know I am pregnant and it will all even itself out. But really?! Cereal and grilled cheese!!! That night for dinner I ate a cheeseburger and onion rings I was so depressed. (I know completely counter productive, but it tasted amazing).
I am secretly praying for time to come to a screeching hault. I want to enjoy Stella and all of her crazy moments. I want to enjoy the "cute" stage of pregnancy and this amazing fall weather. At the same time I can't wait until I can hold this new little one. Until Stella can hold her new best friend and Trevor gets to have another little girl to fall in love with.
Everything is picture perfect these days, the weather, the clean house, the deerhunting husband and the blue eyed curls bopping around the house. I think I will hang on tight for a hundred more days, until a new version of perfection arrives.