3 weeks

As we are getting closer and closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, I can't believe it. I can't believe it is already January. I am seeing the doctor every week now and am oh so cumbersome. I feel so much better at this stage than I did with Stella. I actually feel great. This nesting thing is really weird, I pop out of bed at 6:30am and head on down to the laundry room where I fold the laundry, one load at a time. Not sixteen loads at a time, when I have to put a movie in to help pass the time. It is crazy. I have been making lists in the middle of the night with a hundred things that I should have done spring cleaning of 2009. I can't say that its a bad thing at all.

The compassionate service leader in our ward came by yesterday to ask us about our food preferences and to make sure we aren't allergic to anything. She was also building a schedule for Stella so that I can figure out how to have two children. I felt so overwhelmed with all this kindness, when Stella was born we had just moved into the ward and nobody knew us or really cared. We have lived in this ward for a couple of years now and love every member, truly. But even still, I felt very awkward accepting any meals and free babysitting.
Trevor and I have been going out as a small family of 3 now every chance we get. Even if we are tired of eating out, we both realize how much we will be staying in the house here shortly so we are taking advantage of the ease of just Stella. Although she has learned to throw tantrums in stores. We were wandering the isles of Target a few nights ago and Stella wanted to walk next to us instead of the cart. This in theory would be fine, except we were in a hurry and she wasn't really walking next to us, it was more like running in the opposite direction. So the tantrum followed. The screaming, flaying arms, kicking legs, head back tantrum. One where other mothers come up to you and say "I only smile because that was mine yesterday". I let Trevor handle that one and wandered the baby section. He was getting frustrated. At one point he picked her up and let her down, essentially giving her what she wanted. You would have thought she would calm down immediately, oh no she was in way more hysterics than logic and just flung herself on the floor in front of the shoes. So he put her back in the cart and ignored her. It was kinda funny watching Trevor deal with this tantrum, it was his first. I just smiled, walked 5 steps in front of them and ignored them. He quickly realized that you can't give into her, because then she wins and believes that screaming is the way to get what she wants. Instead he just walked her out of the store. Even with risking the two year old tantrum we are getting out every chance we can.
I have a lot of strange emotions about this little one making her debut. I wonder and stress about how Stella will be as a big sister. I wonder how I will be able to give both of them enough attention and love. I get really anxious when I think about getting up every 2 hours to feed at night and then up with Stella during the day. I wonder how I will be able to work full time with a newborn and a two year old. All of these fears really just make me want to cross my legs and keep her in as long as possible. Then after a few deep breaths and a prayer or two I realize that she's coming and both Trevor and I will find our rythm and balance as a family of four. I'm getting so excited to see who she will look like, or if she will be her own mixture. I wonder if she will come out with dark hair, dark skin and dark eyes; basically the complete opposite of Stella and the miniature clone of her father. I am getting really excited to have my body back, to fit into my wardrobe! To be able to sleep on my stomach! To not have to worry about how much Diet Coke I am drinking!!!! Those thoughts make me want this baby out tomorrow; lets be done with the pregnancy part and on with falling in love with a newborn who smells oh so good. Then after some day dreaming about it all, I realize that my time and energy would be better spent building towers out of play dough with Stella. So that is exactly what we do. We play instead of worrying about all of the ifs, ands, or buts. It will all work its way into a groove that works for us, and that makes me smile.