Irreconcilable Differences

I have drafted this post a thousand different times in the past 8 weeks. Not exactly sure what to say, or how to say it. So unlike me right? I filed for divorce stating irreconcilable differences the beginning of April.

It was surreal.

It is so easy to disassemble your life. Cancel your accounts and rearrange your name on paper. In a matter of days you can only have legal ties to one another, it's eery.

The decision was not made without constant prayers and guidance from a bishop, a counselor, and my heart. The girls and I needed something more, something better. So with the support of my family and friends we made the decision to find our something more. The last two months have the been the most emotionally draining, physically exhausting months of my life. But with Stella and Ruby here to make my world stop spinning, we have come out ahead. We moved back home to Heber, and it feels so great to put my feet in the ground. This is home and always has been. I feel like I have this entire valley holding me up and cheering me on. To wake up to the mountains and fresh morning dew; to watch Stella run around outside and get her hands dirty. I feel like this place will heal my broken heart.

Life is about making correct choices and respecting one another with love and kindness. Sometimes you can start out on the right track with the best of intentions to stay on course. But you have to continue to make those right choices in order to stay there, old habits have to stay in the past. Unfortunately there are consequences to making poor choices and everyone is affected by them, and it hurts. It hurts like hell. So now we are healing, and starting fresh. The fighting is over, the papers are almost signed and we will be able to fully move on. I am happy now. When I made the decision to leave and stay gone, it was like someone removed the weight off of my shoulders and got rid of that knot in my chest; both of which I didn't know were there. The sparkle is coming back and I can sleep like a star fish in the middle of the bed.

I am so grateful for everyone who has been so amazing in supporting me and the girls. The overwhelming love and support is beyond words. It brings tears to my eyes, I haven't felt this loved and appreciated in a very long time. If it weren't for all of the support and prayers I could have never found the strength to make the hard decisions, the right decisions.We have a long road ahead of us, and at times it will feel ridiculously overwhelming and scary. As I heal and move forward the sad moments will ease and the anger will disappear. I have faith and trust in the right things and know that if I continue to do what is right for me and the girls we will be just fine, in fact we will be better than we have ever been.

Love Love