Month thirty three

Dear Stella,
Today was a good day. The day I have been waiting for a while. For the last month we have struggled, a lot. This has been an extraordinarily hard year for you. In January you became a big sister and your world was rocked. Then right as you settled into baby Ruby, we moved to Heber without your dad. Then when you settled into Gramma Deb's basement, we moved to the new house. Once we settled into the new house, your daily schedule changed with the addition of seeing your dad on a regular basis. It is amazing your still standing with all the change and chaos that has occurred the last 8 months.

When we moved home to Heber, I was so grateful that you seemed so unfazed by the chaos and world wind. You were a happy relief from the stress and emotional strain. It allowed me to fall apart and get myself back together. Well it appears that I am back together again, because you have become out of control. I can't blame you, I mean look at what happened, its not surprising. Even with that in mind, it has been some of the most difficult times in my life. Parenting has never been so hard.
Some things have stayed consistent, your love for Ruby is just growing strong. You adoration of Boley, and your vocabulary just grows. You still adore pretty school and going to Grandma Debs. You want to look pretty all the time. We paint your finger nails weekly and you spend more time in front of a mirror playing with your hair than I do. Your imagination is growing, you play more games.

You are so smart, so full of energy and attitude. I can only imagine the kind of woman you can grow into. I can see you taking over the world if you wanted to, maybe debating in front of a judge, or at the same time, rescuing puppies and coloring with your babies. You are independent, but extremely loving. When you feel like something is not right, you need to hug it out. Sometimes you are certain if we hug it out that it makes the consequence go away, and sometimes it does. Your heart is tender and sweet. You care so much about Ruby. She follows you around all day, and you love the attention she gives you. You read her a bedtime story before bed, then we read one together. You say your prayers all by yourself, and always ask that Boley doesn't play in the street and get hit by a car. I heard you in the bath tub yesterday, saying "dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit" I think you dumped the soap out into the water. Another healthy reminder that I need to be better. I am trying to be a better mother to you Stella. To help you through this new rhythm we have, to guide you and not be the kid that everyone sighs as I take you out of church every week. We will get there, I am certain.

I love you June Bug, I love you when you are ignoring me, when you are yelling "NO" at me, I even love you when you are trying to hit me. I love that every morning you climb in bed with me and we snuggle for a few more minutes; that you will let me hold you until your belly starts screaming for breakfast. Thank you for keeping me on my toes and exhausting me in every way I could imagine. Hopefully next month I will be less exhausted and more fun.

Love Love
Mom