Raising a 3 year old

I don't know how to raise a 3 year old. I don't know how to raise a 3 year old who is exactly what I deserve, and even more what her Salt Lake Dad deserves. We are taking a few steps forward and gigantic leaps backwards over here and I'm running around beyond my own abilities. I'm not sure if I'm dealing with a 3 year old, or a 3 year old who is continually trying to adjust to her new life as a child of divorce. I guess I will never know.
The last weeks a side of June bug has emerged that I have never seen before. She is angry. She is fighting with me, she is fighting with Ruby, she is fighting with all her friends at pretty school. She rips books out of my hands and runs away when she doesn't want to do whats asked. When she doesn't want do what I ask, or agree with me, she just cries that she wants her short dad*. When I fix what she wanted for dinner, then when it's ready she doesn't want to eat it and screams for tall dad*.
Almost a year ago I made the right decision, it was the hard decision but it was the right one. Stella danced and skipped her way through the parts where I fell apart, where I picked myself back up and then learned to stand up all by myself. She laughed and giggled and we snuggled a lot. We had our moments, there was an entire month of August that we struggled, but we made it through. The difference between then and now is she's mad at everyone and not just me. Juggling the life between motherhood, work, church, and having a tall friend is a little bit busy. But its what we do, and it won't always be this way, but right now it is and I don't want to just endure it. I want to enjoy it. I want to help Stella through this, and know how to help Ruby through the same motions. The problem with that is, I don't know how. I guess we will just take it in strides and hope that one day she settles.
I've been trying to be more open with her about her dad, and letting her talk to me about missing him. Usually when she misses him I immediately distract her with something fantastic to do, but she needs to know that its ok to miss him. There are a lot of great things about Stella being so young as this is happening, you see nearly instant results. For a few days we talked a lot about her Dad she seemed to settle for a moment or two. I'm not saying its the answer to it all, but perhaps for this moment and this tantrum it is. Hopefully one day she will know that I have no idea what I am doing and she will cut me some slack, my poor little tester child. Wish me luck!

love love

*yes, she refers to Trevor as her short dad and Kevin as her tall dad. She came up with that on her own. I promise.