The Other Side

I can remember every detail of this day one year ago. From the phone calls I had to make to the amount of tears I cried. I can remember my heart physically hurting, finding it hard to breathe. I remember having to call my Dad, who was in Dallas in and out of meetings, to ask him if I could come home, and if I could bring my girls. I remember baking cake balls and Micall arriving at my doorstep instead of attending her Biology class. I remember walking into my parents house late that night and my Mom taking Stella to her new room. Showing her her new bed and where she could keep her toys. Then my mom took me into the guest bedroom where the closets had been cleaned out waiting for me to fill them. That was the moment it hit me, the moment that I realized we were coming home, and not for a day, a week or even a month. We were not going back to Sugarhouse. I remember the conversations that followed with Trevor and I, and the continual heartache. One year ago I was facing a hard road, a painful road, but the right road. I was welcomed home by my family and by a town that was holding me up and cheering me on.
Those months seemed to drag on and blend together as a painful roller coast where I couldn't catch my breath, but at the same time, everything was right. Everything worked out. I made the right decision to leave and every other question mark just fell into place. Not to say it wasn't the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was the right thing. Now here I stand, we moved out of my parents house 8 weeks later into a fabulous place in town. We have a house full of girlie things and there is always dance music playing. I have an amazing job that I truly enjoy. There isn't a day that I wake up and dread going to work, I dread having to leave the girls, but I love where I am going. I have a tall friend who is everything I need, want and deserve. I'm not perfect. My life is far from. It isn't ideal or traditional. But it is ours and as I stand on the other side of the mess I stand a little taller. I stand a lot closer to the ones I love and I stand with a bigger smile on my face. Yep, one year ago today I packed up a 6 week old baby and a 2 year old and I left. I left and I never looked back because that is what I needed to do. I cried for most of those first few weeks, lost a lot of sleep and a few pounds. And looking back now I can attest that time does heal a broken heart, a mom who will let you cry on her lap for the thousandth time heals a broken heart. Baby girls who smile at you ease the pain and a dad that will assure you that you will be OK reminds you that you deserve the world.
I won't be writing anymore posts about how I got divorced; how my life fell apart and how I put it back together. Because we are on the other side looking forward. We made it through the year of firsts; the first weekend without the girls, the first birthday parties, and the first Christmas as a divorced parent. This chapter of my life is closed, and I'm glad I was able to write it. I married a man and had two of the most amazing children, made a few wrong decisions, and then made some right ones and here I am through it all looking back with a big ole smile on my face.
Here is to life and getting to the other side!

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