Months forty-one, forty-two & forty-three

Ok Ok Ok, Stella.
I've pretty much failed at your monthly letters. If you knew these existed you would be sure to tell me all about it. You would sit me down with that look which is so grown up and say MOM, why haven't you done that yet? WHY? Because is not an excuse, don't you love me? WHY?.... It's OK Mom I guess, I love you still. Just don't do it again OK? Then you would finish up that little lecture with those giant blue eyes staring at me causing a veil of guilt to overwhelm my body. I'm sure when you do read these, that scenario will occur. There are a lot of those scenario's around our house these days.

In the last few months you have grown up so much. For the first time in your little life I don't feel like we are herding cats. In May, month forty-two, you tranisitioned so immediately and easily into Kevin being a dad. To not just any dad, but your dad. I know this is a sensitive subject, because you have a dad. And he is very much so a part of your life. You notice him, you talk about him and love spending time with him. But when I married Kevin, he became your dad too. It didn't seem strange or abnormal to you that you have two dads. Which is exactly the way it is supposed to be. I laid in bed many a nights wondering how you would handle that major change. Would you throw tantrums? Would you start to hit? Would you cry or draw on the walls? Seriously I lost a lot of sleep about it. But you only colored on the wall once, with a pencil. I got mad, you got mad at me for getting mad at you, slammed your door and fell asleep minutes later. I have no experience with three year olds besides you, but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with me getting remarried and everything to do with you being 3.

You are full of attitude and spunk, you have energy that would carry you to the moon if you wanted to go there. You cock your head for pitcures and wander around in wire rimmed sunglasses cheering "I'm a MOOVIE Star". You are unbelievably mothering. You want to take care of everyone and everything. Your sister recieves most of this attention. You carry her, you wipe her face, you share with her and tell her "shhhh shhh shhh shhh shhhh" when she is crying. As if you are soothing her agitated soul. You climb in her crib in the early morning hours and talk to her. You tell her stories and listen to her jabber as if you understand it all, maybe you do. Sometimes you try to take care of her to much and Ruby fights back. Like just a couple of weeks ago you tried to carry her out of the bathroom and she bit you. When I came home from work you told me that Ruby put her teeth on your cheek and squeezed so hard that it made tears come out of your eyes. It was a pretty bad bite. You don't carry her around much anymore, which is probably safer for everyone.

You are so helpful in your forty-third month. You try to get yourself dressed and ready to go before you walk out of your bedroom. The outfits you come up with are my favorite. I love that you accesorize with a leopard print cardigan and a jeweled necklace everyday. It would be one thing if you dressed yourself before leaving your room, but you also make your bed making it all the more fantastic. You actually do a pretty good job at it. You put the pillows back on and straighten the wrinkles. When you are done you run to find us, so excited to show your outfit and that you made your bed. You are a pretty fantastic little three year old.

You talk to us nonstop, you give loves and hugs at every chance you get, you don't fear much, you want to play outside and bring your sister everywhere you go. You listen to Kevin as he disciplines and love him unconditionally. I find myself watching you play and I feel like I am watching a film reel of me and my sister. You look so much like I did as a child, it makes me smile. I am getting exactly what I deserve, but I'm also gaining so much more. You, at forty three months, are so much better than I am. You have a side of kindness and genuine caring for everyone else that makes me so proud to be your mother. I love you June Bug.

love love